Goodbye Ohio

In about thirty hours I should be watching Ohio recede into my rear-view mirror. Some reflections:

I came to Ohio under some pretty crappy conditions. Everyone I knew in Seattle (a very expensive city) was jobless or expected to be soon; I was sick of the banking industry but didn't know how to get out of it; Chase made me an offer but I would have to move to Columbus. I took that offer out of fear, and as a result of that fear I didn't ask any of the questions I really should have. So I didn't realize I was stepping onto the losing side of a political battle, and that I would spend the next year marginalized and frustrated.

Ohio wasn't working for me. I wasn't making many friends (and none outside of work), most of my old friends had stopped talking to me, relationship stuff went from bad to worse, and I was turning into a miserable and nasty sunufabitch to be around.

Throughout this time I half-heartedly went on some interviews and even got a couple of offers. I was on the verge of accepting a job offer in New England and had started mentally packing when I had a realization; I would be moving across the country for the second time in a year for absolutely no reason. The only thing the job had to offer was that it wasn't in the banking industry. Otherwise it was just more of the same. Indeed all of the positions I had been looking at were the same. More big-organization paralysis, more unfocused infighting and jockeying for barely meaningful promotions, more re-organizations to cover the fact that nobody knew what they were doing or why. I realized that instead of acting out of fear, this time I was acting out of anger, that I hadn't actually made any efforts to formulate a plan and make good decisions.

I realized that I hadn't actually done anything to pursue my own happiness in...five years?

And just like that everything changed. In realizing that I'd been caring about all the wrong things, that I couldn't remember being happy or what had last made me happy, all the crap and anger and fear and frustration just fell away.

I kept going to work, but I let all the garbage roll off my back, gave up on being useful in a wholesale sense and did what I could retail ("Sure, I can fix your printer. Hey, I think I can save you 15 minutes each morning by changing this batch job in such-and-such way, you want me to do that?"). I found others who were equally dissatisfied and equally ready to make a change, and we talked to each other about our plans and shared advice and started moving forward together.

I started going places and making friends. I smiled at people, and they smiled back! I got invited to parties, had a good time, got invited to more parties. I even threw a couple. I started getting late night calls from new friends who'd dumped or been dumped by someone and needed coffee and distractions and supporty talk. There were communities I'd been wanting to be a part of for years but hadn't known how to make it happen, and suddenly it just happened.

Over the course of two months Columbus went from a hostile and foreign land to something that could be described as a home. I found some of the gems of the city, and they weren't nightclubs or museums or secret hidden greenspaces, they were happy people doing happy things for the sake of their own happiness. In no particular order, I shared stories and meals and heartache and joy and plans for the future with:

Paul, Tony, Sarah, Tim, Kelly, and Steph. Ting, Derek, Beth, Lisa, and Taylor. Pete and Chris. Both Mollies. Brian, Julia, Jessica, and Rita. Kayla. Stacie of the Big Doggies. Random people at coffee shops, on sidewalks, in grocery stores and ice cream parlors and farmers' markets and bars. Liz and Kari.

But the lesson here is not that I need to stay in Columbus, or even that Columbus is that great of a place or even just a perfectly fine place. The lesson is that I can make friends and a home for myself anywhere, and all it takes is being a happy person who moves forward and does things and has a goal -- even if that goal is to find a goal. Prioritize happiness. Talk to people. Smile. Be generous with hugs and cooking. Don't get wrapped around the axle when things don't go as planned. Know what's important, don't compromise or let it slip away, and don't fret about the other stuff.

I'll see everyone again soon.